So.... since last time i posted i was still going to my old college. I transfered to a new college now, possibly one of the most talked about colleges of the last 100 years or so. I really like it here, everything is fast, and it's always busy, and there are always things to do. I mean for like and entire month straight i've been tired every damn day from morning to night and it's not from working out. Infact i think i workout less here because i'm so busy all the time.
I don't live in an apartment anymore (thankfuckinggod). I'm living in a triple dorm rather than having my own room and it's helped alot. can't say i really give any shits about my roommates but i am still thankful that i have roommates so i can't just binge and purge in my room all day like i used to. I'm also very thankful to be back on meal swipes at the dorms. In all honesty i'm alot happier here even though my grades aren't as good, i'm always tired, i have no privacy, ect ect. I love living in a dorm because it means that disorder can't have total control over me when ever it fucking wants. I can't really binge when my roommates are around and i can't really eat unhealthy things infront of them either (i'm to embarassed to). I have a meal plan that gets rid of the necessity of going to a super market a few times a week (i go maybe once a week just cuz sometimes i do get my chewing and spitting cravings and cravings for things not in the dining hall. But with that said, i'm weighing myself again. For me this is a huge step up for my emotional state. When i was anorexic i was unhappy but more so at my life and less so directly at myself, hence i could weigh myself without feeling to bad. The number is never low enough but at the same time, it just motivated me to go lower. However after i started living in an apt and gaining weight from all those late night binge and purge sessions in my room i hated my body so much that i couldn't weigh myself. seeing myself naked hurt to much so i basically didn't really keep to much track of my body for the whole year. i went from around 93 lb up to 102-105 ish.
Even though i always purged extensively after my binges, my binges were much much worse in the apt. I did binge and purge 2-4 times per week when i was anorexic but in the apt it went to 6-9 times per week. My binges in the apt were bigger becuase it wasn't just some cereal and cookies in the dinning hall. My binges in the apt were usually $15-25 worth of cereal, cake, cookies, cake mixes, yogurts, pies, icecream, cheese cake, crackers, brownies, oatmeal, granola, bars, Jars of peanut butter. every possible junkfood you can buy the whole box of in the supermarket for like $3 each......
here i still binge and purge but it's gone back down to the 2-4 times per week and my binges now are a few bowls of cereal maybe a peice of cake and some cookies or candy bars, but the quantities over all are an order of magnitude less.
That being said, i'm happy to say that when i moved into my dorm i was 102.5 lbs, and stayed that way till about mid october. October 15th i was stil 102.5 but i decided i really was going to give it my best to get back down to my ana weight. What motivated me was that i had photoshoots to do in early november.... in a bikini..... in a crowded public location and the photos would end up on the internet........ soooooo yeah pretty big motivation for me. happy to say that right now, i weigh 96.8 lbs. Thats a little over 5 lbs in 5 weeks... I am soooo happy right now. i haven't been 97 lbs for about a year and a half now.... I can't wait to be back down where i belong, where i can look at my body and say, 'yes this is my body' and not be to ashamed to look at it.When i was 93 lbs my measurements were 32.5-23.5-33, at 103: 33-25.5-34.5(sooo damn fat!!!) right now i'm 32-24.5-33.5 about half way, a few more lbs and inches to go!!! gogogogo!!!!
i was about 97.5 lbs during my photoshoots and i think people liked that, i mean essentially as soon as one shoot was done, another photographer come and pick me up right away so essentially i did 13 photoshoots in 2 days.... I've seen some of the pictures and i'm happy i lost weight for those photos. I'm not entirely happy with them, but it's a great improvement from before, I got over 20 buisness cards from photographers in 2 days and i'm setting up around 10-15 photoshoots for my winter break with the photographers i met.
The thing i'm praying for right now is that i continue to drop weight and stay under 100lbs though break. I swear i gain weight like crazy when i go home, all that food everywhere @.@ in my dorm there pretty much isn't anything to eat, i have to leave and go to a cafe or dining hall to get food (great help btw, no point going out to eat if it's to late or balls cold ect.) most of the photoshoots i'm setting up for december-january are going to in bikini/bra tops with micro short skirts or shorts. so yeah....... lots of skin to be showing while outside in the middle of winter but if i'm skinny enough i won't mind it, because i know when i see those pictures it'll all be worth it. I can't wait to have pictures me when i am skinny all over the damn internet! And it's going to feel even better because recently i checked up on my old bitch roommate, the one who gave me so much hell last year, her whole fb wall is filled with pictures of all the chocolate and desserts she eating puntuated by her complaing that she's getting fat XDDDDD MUWAHAHAHAHA i'm and awful person. I can't wait to be a waif. just 4 more lbs to go till i' back to my lowest weight!!!!!!!!!! i've already lost 5.7 lbs!! more than half way there!!!!
I CAN DO THIS!!
I'LL NEVER GIVE UP!!!
STARVE, DIET, WORKOUT, AND LOSE WEIGHT FOR: COSPLAY, PHOTOSHOOTS, PERFECTION, SMITE, HATRED, THE DAD THAT NEVER LOVED YOU, AND THAT BITCH/DOUCHE WHO GAVE YOU HELL.
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