I haven't posted since around thxgiving time. I hate home. Home makes me fatter than ever. It's like when i go home it's always to cold and there is food everywhere so i basically binge and purge every second i'm there. On top of that after i leave it takes a few days for my blood sugar to stabilize so that i don't crave binge food all day long. I think my body is readjusted to sugar and fatfree again. But at the cost i'm 98 lbs again... ugggghhh so fat. A few days ago i had these horrible binges and i for some reason couldn't purge.... T.T I tried to purge for a whole hour and i just couldn't get anything out except water and traces of whatever i ate 6 hours ago rather than what i just shoved down my throat.... It's a terrible feeling when you felt like you've screwed up so you mine as well go binge so that you can purge just to find out after you finished binging you can't purge at all. I binged on a bag of chocolate nut trailmix, almond butter, candy, and cereal. I feel so filthy. I need to get clean again. I need to drop weight, I need to find out a way to not binge all day at home.
I just worked out my schedule for my break. And i have 2 extensive periods where i dont' have any shoots planned, 18th-22 and 24-30th.... i need to do something about that because those will be the times i'm most likely to binge all day and get hella fat..... In those days i need to occupy myself from morning to night with shoots, or hanging out, just being away from food and privacy.....
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