GUM

Soo, I was feeling kinda like munching today, i think it was because i kinda ate to much yesterday. I did binge and purge but it was a comparatively small binge. Not sure how many people know this but when you binge on carbs (especially the sugary sorts) you get a huge rush of endorphins and i think serotonin but im not sure about that one. anyways, in that time frame between starting and feeling to full that you throw up, usually it's a rather pleasant feeling physically, hence part of the reason why the binge started to begin with. That feeling is part of what keeps you coming back to a binge and part of the reason why binges usually repeat several times and only pause when you become to worn out to continue binging and purging. So today i was craving the binge the craving wasn't the usual strong desire to shovel cake down my throat like a monster, but it's the sneaky craving where you only want to eat the usual afternoon snacks that many people enjoy, but you don't really want to binge. I hate those cravings the most. They trick you into buying food thinking you'll be ok and then suddenly you are shoveling food down your throat because that's what you usually do with anything that isn't salad or fruit. That's exactly how my binge started yesterday too. So this time i went and decided i would just buy gum. I used to chew gum everyday for hours until my jaw hurt, and then i got really really sick of gum. this time i bought caffeinated gum and its awesome. Summer in southern california is to hot for coffee, but caffeinated gum is alright. It took my munchies off my mind right away and saved me from binging this time around!!! I know it probably won't work when i have a real binge craving, not much works at that point, but today i'm happy that i haven't binged or purged.

It's 3:30 pm i've had salad with fat free dressing, 1 slice of ham, 2 apples, and milk = a little under 450 calories. i'm a little hungry right now, but i'll wait a few more hours before eating again. considering a burger for dinner, i usually never crave hamburgers (only maybe once a year, that's about as often as i eat them) so i don't fear them. i only fear foods i don't know, foods i crave, and foods my loved ones make for me. I'm not afraid of hamburgers because i know they don't have to be like 400-1000 calories each. I usually get a standard hamburger, with mustard, pickles, ketchup, tomatoes, lettuce, and the thinnest patties available (the are half the thickness of a typical patty). I order it wrapped in lettuce rather than a bun and it comes down to 170 calories, which is less calories than most salads (without toppings), and is a little more than a big apple or pear.  Hopefully that will be all i eat for the rest of the day and bring my calorie consumption to around 650 max.